1
00:00:30,200 --> 00:00:32,920
Wow. That's quite something.
Quite an honour.

2
00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:33,626
I know.

3
00:00:33,627 --> 00:00:35,880
They really must be
very impressed with you.

4
00:00:35,880 --> 00:00:38,760
I didn't even know they had an
employee of the month thing here.

5
00:00:38,760 --> 00:00:40,560
Really? I thought you won it once.

6
00:00:40,560 --> 00:00:42,720
No, that was...
everyone thought I was dead.

7
00:00:42,720 --> 00:00:44,080
A-ha.

8
00:00:44,080 --> 00:00:46,040
Hmm, employee...

9
00:00:46,040 --> 00:00:47,320
...of the month.

10
00:00:47,320 --> 00:00:49,800
Yeah, it's, it's a valued title.

11
00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:51,040
Have you ever won it?

12
00:00:51,040 --> 00:00:51,560
Er, no.

13
00:00:51,560 --> 00:00:52,840
No, I haven't.

14
00:00:52,840 --> 00:00:54,500
I don't know, Jen, sometimes I think

15
00:00:54,500 --> 00:00:57,100
it's because I just want it,
so damn much!

16
00:00:58,380 --> 00:01:00,160
I am the employee of the month.

17
00:01:00,260 --> 00:01:02,600
And yet, to a casual observer,

18
00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:04,920
it would appear that you
do very little around here.

19
00:01:04,920 --> 00:01:07,460
Yeah, they must have
seen through that.

20
00:01:07,960 --> 00:01:12,640
I think someone up there must
have sensed something in me.

21
00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:15,720
Something I've always known
was there, er...

22
00:01:15,720 --> 00:01:17,640
a greatness?

23
00:01:17,640 --> 00:01:21,740
No, I'm not saying
that, but...i mean, something...

24
00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:24,520
Yeah, yeah, I'm sensing something.

25
00:01:25,660 --> 00:01:27,760
Don't worry, I won't
let it go to my head.

26
00:01:28,360 --> 00:01:30,340
Moss, guess who's won
employee of the month?

27
00:01:30,740 --> 00:01:31,660
-Roy.
-No.

28
00:01:33,160 --> 00:01:34,600
-Richmond.
-No.

29
00:01:34,600 --> 00:01:35,320
Harry.

30
00:01:35,320 --> 00:01:36,080
Who's Harry?

31
00:01:36,080 --> 00:01:38,080
-The postman.
-No.

32
00:01:38,080 --> 00:01:38,760
Me.

33
00:01:38,760 --> 00:01:39,520
No.

34
00:01:39,520 --> 00:01:41,440
I said Roy, right? Richmond?

35
00:01:41,440 --> 00:01:42,480
Me!

36
00:01:42,480 --> 00:01:44,960
Oh, about time!

37
00:01:46,800 --> 00:01:48,960
Whatever happened to Richmond?

38
00:01:48,960 --> 00:01:51,040
He got scurvy.

39
00:01:51,041 --> 00:01:54,545
subsBusters proudly presents
The.IT.Crowd.S03E04

40
00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:56,020
Can you be more specific?

41
00:01:56,020 --> 00:01:59,480
I'm trying to picture your role
in Reynholm Industries.

42
00:01:59,480 --> 00:02:04,400
Well, I'm the boss,
head honcho, el numero uno, Mr Big,

43
00:02:04,900 --> 00:02:10,820
The Godfather, Lord Of The Rings,
the Bourne Identity, er...

44
00:02:11,420 --> 00:02:14,080
Taxi Driver, Jaws.

45
00:02:15,160 --> 00:02:17,900
I forgot the question, quite a
while back. Who are you again?

46
00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:20,040
I'm April Shepherd.

47
00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:23,360
You've been my Richest magazine's Man Of The
Year. I'm doing the profile.

48
00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:24,600
Oh yes, that's right.

49
00:02:24,600 --> 00:02:26,720
I know you're the boss,
but what does that entail?

50
00:02:26,720 --> 00:02:28,680
Oh, many things.

51
00:02:28,680 --> 00:02:30,520
Like this morning, for instance.

52
00:02:30,520 --> 00:02:33,480
I had to choose the Employee
Of The Month, from the box.

53
00:02:36,200 --> 00:02:38,600
May I ask, what are
you doing on that pad?

54
00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:41,200
One of my little
hobbies is caricature.

55
00:02:42,720 --> 00:02:45,360
Sometimes, I like to sketch
someone as I'm talking to them.

56
00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:47,080
May I?

57
00:02:47,080 --> 00:02:48,800
Well, I'm not very good.

58
00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:50,360
I'm no Truman Capote.

59
00:02:56,680 --> 00:02:59,400
Great, OK. Um...

60
00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:01,920
I'll tell you what, let's just
do some quick-fire questions.

61
00:03:01,920 --> 00:03:05,280
Maybe they'll give me an insight
into the real you.

62
00:03:05,280 --> 00:03:06,140
-OK.
-Right

63
00:03:06,140 --> 00:03:08,720
Tell me, who's your
favourite person from history?

64
00:03:08,720 --> 00:03:10,280
Sherlock Holmes.

65
00:03:10,280 --> 00:03:12,360
Well, he's fictional.

66
00:03:12,360 --> 00:03:16,600
Whoa! I think you'd better
check your facts there.

67
00:03:16,600 --> 00:03:17,680
Fictional?

68
00:03:17,680 --> 00:03:20,120
Who took care of the business
with the giant dog

69
00:03:20,120 --> 00:03:21,640
that was eating everybody?

70
00:03:21,640 --> 00:03:23,720
Well, it wasn't Watson.

71
00:03:23,720 --> 00:03:26,600
Don't tell me,
I suppose he was fictional too.

72
00:03:26,600 --> 00:03:29,080
Maybe there was no giant dog.
(LAUGHS)

73
00:03:30,180 --> 00:03:35,280
No, no, I think you're playing
games with me, young lady.

74
00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:38,480
OK, then, favourite
fictional character.

75
00:03:38,480 --> 00:03:41,040
Oh, ha-ha, ha! The Elephant Man.

76
00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:43,480
Tell you what, let me
widen the question out.

77
00:03:43,480 --> 00:03:44,920
Favourite popular figure?

78
00:03:44,920 --> 00:03:46,800
Churchill.

79
00:03:46,800 --> 00:03:48,600
Well, what is it you like about him?

80
00:03:48,600 --> 00:03:50,800
I love the way he says,

81
00:03:50,800 --> 00:03:54,320
"Oh, yes. Oh, yes."

82
00:03:55,760 --> 00:03:59,280
I think, perhaps it's you
who's playing games with me.

83
00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:01,080
You're a very surprising
man, Mr Reynholm.

84
00:04:01,080 --> 00:04:02,640
Yes.

85
00:04:03,980 --> 00:04:06,400
I am a surprising man.

86
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:09,920
April, may I take you to dinner?

87
00:04:09,920 --> 00:04:12,040
Oh, I don't think I could..

88
00:04:12,040 --> 00:04:13,480
In Paris.

89
00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:15,720
Paris?

90
00:04:15,720 --> 00:04:18,880
Paris, yes. It's the name
of a new restaurant in Hull.

91
00:04:18,880 --> 00:04:20,960
That's right, we're going to Hull!

92
00:04:23,840 --> 00:04:26,960
(Hey, Roy, come over here.
Look at this.)

93
00:04:29,160 --> 00:04:31,100
"The biggest adventure
you can ever take

94
00:04:31,100 --> 00:04:36,120
"is to live the life of
your dreams" - Oprah Winfrey.

95
00:04:36,120 --> 00:04:38,880
I suppose that is
the biggest adventure.

96
00:04:39,920 --> 00:04:41,200
Guys, come on in.

97
00:04:42,320 --> 00:04:43,800
Sit down.

98
00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:45,120
Is this a new desk?

99
00:04:45,120 --> 00:04:47,440
Yeah, I thought I needed
some new furniture.

100
00:04:47,440 --> 00:04:49,440
So, I got some stuff from upstairs.
Sit down, please.

101
00:04:56,840 --> 00:05:01,240
I just thought, what with all this
extra attention on us...

102
00:05:01,240 --> 00:05:04,960
on me, it might be worth looking
at ourselves and saying,

103
00:05:04,960 --> 00:05:09,080
"Hey, am I really giving it
110 per cent?"

104
00:05:09,080 --> 00:05:11,760
And if not, "Why not?
What the heck is wrong with me?

105
00:05:11,760 --> 00:05:13,680
"Am I mentally ill or something?"

106
00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:15,780
Roy, let's start with you.

107
00:05:16,980 --> 00:05:20,120
When you're upstairs,
fiddling about with computers...

108
00:05:21,160 --> 00:05:23,960
...would it hurt to smile?

109
00:05:23,960 --> 00:05:26,720
Don't you realise what a
difference that would make?

110
00:05:26,720 --> 00:05:29,800
Eh? Come on, let's see
a smile now, come on.

111
00:05:33,760 --> 00:05:36,080
No, more warmth, warmer.

112
00:05:37,560 --> 00:05:40,320
You're just showing more
teeth, that's not warmth.

113
00:05:40,320 --> 00:05:43,260
I would say that's more of a
threatening look, actually.

114
00:05:43,360 --> 00:05:47,080
I'll tell you what, Roy, keep at it.
That's your homework. Moss.

115
00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:49,800
So, what's your speech
going to be about?

116
00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:51,020
What speech?

117
00:05:51,020 --> 00:05:52,640
Every employee of the month
has to give a speech

118
00:05:52,640 --> 00:05:54,700
in their area of expertise.

119
00:05:55,300 --> 00:05:58,200
Which for you is computers.

120
00:06:01,640 --> 00:06:02,180
Where do I have to...?

121
00:06:02,180 --> 00:06:04,080
At the monthly shareholders meeting.

122
00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:07,020
When do I have to...?

123
00:06:07,020 --> 00:06:08,920
Friday.

124
00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:10,640
What time...?

125
00:06:10,640 --> 00:06:12,120
Morning.

126
00:06:14,240 --> 00:06:15,840
How's that?

127
00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:44,040
What's up, guys?

128
00:06:44,040 --> 00:06:45,320
All right, Jen?

129
00:06:45,320 --> 00:06:47,360
Urgh!

130
00:06:48,300 --> 00:06:51,760
God! Just writing a speech.

131
00:06:51,760 --> 00:06:53,800
Oh, yeah, that's right.
How's that going?

132
00:06:53,800 --> 00:06:55,420
Good, good, good, good...

133
00:06:57,820 --> 00:06:59,320
You know, I was thinking, er...

134
00:06:59,820 --> 00:07:02,400
if there's anything
you guys wanna say,

135
00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:04,640
I can put it in, it's no problem.

136
00:07:04,940 --> 00:07:07,840
Oh, oh, yeah, oh, mm, interesting.

137
00:07:07,940 --> 00:07:11,040
Um, is there anything you'd like
to say to the shareholders, Moss?

138
00:07:11,440 --> 00:07:13,560
Just say, "Hi."

139
00:07:13,560 --> 00:07:14,840
Say, "Hi," from us.

140
00:07:16,100 --> 00:07:17,400
OK.

141
00:07:18,880 --> 00:07:19,660
I love this.

142
00:07:19,760 --> 00:07:21,400
I wonder how many more
times she's gonna come in.

143
00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:25,800
You know, I think, maybe, it'd be a good idea
if you two contributed to this, I really do.

144
00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:26,900
Oh, yeah. Why?

145
00:07:26,900 --> 00:07:29,720
Hmm. I think, I think it would give
you experience

146
00:07:29,720 --> 00:07:32,080
in writing a speech
for a public figure.

147
00:07:32,580 --> 00:07:35,120
Well, obviously, in our line
of work that would be handy.

148
00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:38,560
But, you know what, Jen,
I'm actually, I'm snowed under here.

149
00:07:45,240 --> 00:07:49,320
Wait a second! Wait a second!
Oh, oh, what are we doing?

150
00:07:49,320 --> 00:07:49,860
Eh?

151
00:07:49,860 --> 00:07:51,260
We should totally write that speech!

152
00:07:51,560 --> 00:07:52,500
-What? Why?
-Okay

153
00:07:52,500 --> 00:07:53,880
Offer to write the speech for Jen.

154
00:07:54,180 --> 00:07:54,860
No.

155
00:07:54,860 --> 00:07:56,080
You have to! I cannot do it!

156
00:07:56,080 --> 00:07:57,420
She'll know something's up
if I do it!

157
00:07:57,420 --> 00:07:59,720
-You have to do it!
-Why would I do that?

158
00:07:59,720 --> 00:08:01,320
Moss, do you trust me?

159
00:08:01,320 --> 00:08:02,060
No.

160
00:08:02,560 --> 00:08:03,800
Do you trust me?

161
00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:04,480
No.

162
00:08:04,880 --> 00:08:07,200
Right, If you trust me, then offer
to write that speech!

163
00:08:07,200 --> 00:08:08,360
I. Don't. Trust. You.

164
00:08:09,360 --> 00:08:10,800
(PHONE RINGS)

165
00:08:10,800 --> 00:08:11,580
Hi.

166
00:08:11,580 --> 00:08:15,120
'I feel really bad having all
the fun writing this speech.'

167
00:08:15,600 --> 00:08:17,440
(Offer, offer, offer.)

168
00:08:17,440 --> 00:08:21,820
Well, I suppose we could
write the speech so that, you know,

169
00:08:22,120 --> 00:08:23,960
you look like you know
what you're talking about.

170
00:08:23,960 --> 00:08:27,320
Thanks, I'm off for lunch.
Leave it on my desk.

171
00:08:29,840 --> 00:08:32,040
My God.

172
00:08:32,040 --> 00:08:33,760
I know.

173
00:08:33,760 --> 00:08:35,480
That's brilliant.

174
00:08:35,480 --> 00:08:38,860
So, now you understand why we
have to write that speech for Jen.

175
00:08:38,860 --> 00:08:42,200
She will say anything
we tell her to.

176
00:08:42,200 --> 00:08:44,280
She will say anything
we tell her to.

177
00:08:44,280 --> 00:08:48,820
We can put any old bollocks in
that speech and she shall repeat it.

178
00:08:48,820 --> 00:08:51,760
It's going to be hilarious.

179
00:08:51,760 --> 00:08:54,800
Sometimes I could
kiss your mind, Roy.

180
00:08:55,840 --> 00:08:57,440
OK, so let's just, um...

181
00:08:57,440 --> 00:08:59,920
I don't know, let's just throw
around a few ideas.

182
00:08:59,920 --> 00:09:01,240
OK. OK.

183
00:09:01,240 --> 00:09:03,740
Ah...oh, could we tell her...

184
00:09:03,940 --> 00:09:07,840
that there's an apple
inside every Apple Mac?

185
00:09:09,420 --> 00:09:10,680
-It's good.
-Yeah.

186
00:09:11,540 --> 00:09:14,320
We could say that Bill Gates
is called Bill Gates,

187
00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:15,980
because he owns a lot of gates.

188
00:09:15,980 --> 00:09:19,760
Hmmm. That's good, but it's not
quite punchy enough,

189
00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:24,960
and it's probably true now anyway.
I'll bet he does own a lot of gates.

190
00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:27,600
He probably does.

191
00:09:30,480 --> 00:09:32,280
It's got to be something big!

192
00:09:33,880 --> 00:09:35,760
I think I may have it.

193
00:09:36,420 --> 00:09:37,840
What?

194
00:09:38,240 --> 00:09:40,200
You best put seatbelts on your ears,
Roy,

195
00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:44,360
'cause I'm gonna take them for the ride
of their lives!

196
00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:55,960
Delightful.

197
00:09:55,960 --> 00:09:58,720
Oh, no, no, no. You're silly.

198
00:09:58,720 --> 00:10:02,400
Do you know, I've never been so
enchanted by a woman in all my life.

199
00:10:03,480 --> 00:10:05,640
What's your name again?
I know you told me.

200
00:10:07,480 --> 00:10:08,520
April.

201
00:10:08,520 --> 00:10:10,400
Ah, what a charming name.

202
00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:13,040
Always been one of my favourites.

203
00:10:13,040 --> 00:10:17,360
April, after dinner,
would you do me the honour

204
00:10:17,360 --> 00:10:19,080
of accompanying me to my bed?

205
00:10:21,440 --> 00:10:22,680
Oh, erm...

206
00:10:22,680 --> 00:10:24,840
No, I've said too much!

207
00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:29,240
I've let my heart overpower
my head, which is my wont.

208
00:10:30,320 --> 00:10:32,240
But I don't care.

209
00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:33,400
I find you enchanting.

210
00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:36,760
And there's a condom machine
in the toilet. I've checked!

211
00:10:42,640 --> 00:10:45,120
I'm very flattered, Douglas but, erm,

212
00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:48,480
-there's a problem, something I should tell you.
-Go on.

213
00:10:48,480 --> 00:10:52,280
Erm, I... I have a secret.

214
00:10:52,280 --> 00:10:54,120
I could dance around the subject, but...

215
00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:57,280
I like you, Douglas. I want
to be straight with you. Oh?

216
00:11:00,520 --> 00:11:02,240
I used to be a man, Douglas.

217
00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:05,960
I used to be a man.

218
00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:08,280
I wish there was an easier way
of saying that,

219
00:11:08,280 --> 00:11:10,320
but, believe me, there's not.

220
00:11:10,320 --> 00:11:14,560
I've had a lot of hormone
therapy and a number of operations.

221
00:11:14,560 --> 00:11:16,320
I'm really sorry.

222
00:11:16,320 --> 00:11:18,720
I hope you don't feel I deceived you.

223
00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:21,320
I understand if
you would rather I left.

224
00:11:22,480 --> 00:11:23,920
I don't care.

225
00:11:26,840 --> 00:11:27,600
What?

226
00:11:28,740 --> 00:11:30,680
Doesn't bother me.

227
00:11:31,760 --> 00:11:33,440
Doesn't bother you at all?

228
00:11:34,140 --> 00:11:36,560
It takes all sorts to make a world.

229
00:11:36,560 --> 00:11:39,400
Wow, it bothers most men.

230
00:11:39,400 --> 00:11:42,960
I am not most men
and the offer still stands.

231
00:11:42,960 --> 00:11:44,720
Are you up for it?

232
00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:57,120
Amazing, just amazing.

233
00:11:57,120 --> 00:11:58,280
You liked it?

234
00:11:58,280 --> 00:12:01,320
You really know your
way around that area.

235
00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:04,440
Well...

236
00:12:04,440 --> 00:12:07,920
Tell me, what are you
doing tomorrow night, April?

237
00:12:07,920 --> 00:12:10,760
I was thinking of staying
in and watching the darts.

238
00:12:10,760 --> 00:12:11,920
You've read my mind.

239
00:12:13,360 --> 00:12:17,320
# '60s Swing music

240
00:12:59,200 --> 00:13:01,240
What is it?

241
00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:03,360
This, Jen,

242
00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:06,880
is the internet.

243
00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:13,960
What?

244
00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:15,360
That's right.

245
00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:16,800
This is the internet?

246
00:13:18,460 --> 00:13:19,520
The whole internet?

247
00:13:20,320 --> 00:13:21,840
Yep.

248
00:13:21,840 --> 00:13:25,520
I asked for a loan of it, so that
you could use it in your speech.

249
00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:28,400
It's so small.

250
00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:31,040
That's one of the
surprising things about it.

251
00:13:31,040 --> 00:13:34,280
Hang on, it doesn't have
any wires or anything.

252
00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:36,200
It's wireless.

253
00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:39,720
Oh, yes, everything's
wireless nowadays, yeah.

254
00:13:39,720 --> 00:13:42,240
I can use it in my speech?
What if someone needs it?

255
00:13:42,240 --> 00:13:43,800
Oh, no, no, people

256
00:13:43,800 --> 00:13:46,160
still be able to go online.
It will still work.

257
00:13:46,160 --> 00:13:47,680
Oh, good. Good.

258
00:13:48,080 --> 00:13:50,720
I tell you,
you present this to the shareholders

259
00:13:50,720 --> 00:13:53,520
and you will get quite a response.

260
00:13:53,520 --> 00:13:54,880
Can I touch it?

261
00:13:58,480 --> 00:14:00,720
Ooh, it's so light.

262
00:14:00,720 --> 00:14:04,360
Of course it is, Jen.
The internet doesn't weigh anything.

263
00:14:04,360 --> 00:14:07,160
Ha-ha. No, of course it doesn't.
Ha-ha. Ha-ha.

264
00:14:09,360 --> 00:14:12,480
Hey! What is Jen doing
with the internet?

265
00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:16,680
Moss said I could
use it for my speech.

266
00:14:16,680 --> 00:14:19,120
Are you insane? What if she drops it?

267
00:14:19,120 --> 00:14:21,320
I won't drop it, I'll look after it.

268
00:14:21,320 --> 00:14:26,680
No. No, no, no, no, Jen. No, this
needs to go straight back to Big Ben.

269
00:14:26,680 --> 00:14:28,360
Big Ben?

270
00:14:28,360 --> 00:14:31,680
It goes on top of Big Ben. That's
where you get the best reception.

271
00:14:32,600 --> 00:14:34,460
I promise I won't
let anything happen to it.

272
00:14:34,460 --> 00:14:39,240
No, Jen, I'm sorry. The elders of the
internet would never stand for it.

273
00:14:39,240 --> 00:14:43,200
No, no, Roy. I spoke to the elders
of the internet, not one hour ago.

274
00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:45,520
I told them Jen had won
employee of the month

275
00:14:45,520 --> 00:14:49,480
and they were so impressed - wanted
to do whatever they could to help.

276
00:14:50,240 --> 00:14:54,440
Wait a minute,
the elders of the internet?

277
00:14:54,440 --> 00:15:00,320
The elders of the internet know who
I am? You've got to let me have it!

278
00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:03,560
No, Jen, I'm sorry,
it's just too risky.

279
00:15:03,560 --> 00:15:05,960
Oh, please, Roy.

280
00:15:05,960 --> 00:15:10,600
Well, Moss,
has it been completely demagnetised?

281
00:15:11,640 --> 00:15:14,240
By Stephen Hawking himself.

282
00:15:14,240 --> 00:15:16,240
He sends his congratulations.

283
00:15:17,640 --> 00:15:21,000
Well, if it's OK with the Hawk.

284
00:15:22,080 --> 00:15:23,160
So, can I have it?

285
00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:25,200
You can.

286
00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:35,960
Oh, don't forget your speech.

287
00:15:35,960 --> 00:15:36,920
Oh, thank you.

288
00:15:42,080 --> 00:15:43,320
Slowly.

289
00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:57,040
April, these past few days
have been like a dream.

290
00:15:57,940 --> 00:16:02,360
Usually, I can't wait to get away
from a woman once I've ejaculated,

291
00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:04,840
but with you,

292
00:16:06,480 --> 00:16:09,280
I don't know, I feel alive.

293
00:16:09,280 --> 00:16:11,160
April, I love you.

294
00:16:11,940 --> 00:16:13,100
What?

295
00:16:13,100 --> 00:16:16,560
That's right, I totally
love the bloody arse off you.

296
00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:20,360
Oh, Douglas, I love you too.

297
00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:22,680
Oh, poppet,

298
00:16:22,680 --> 00:16:27,360
to think when we met, you were so
worried that you came from Iran.

299
00:16:35,440 --> 00:16:36,520
What?

300
00:16:36,520 --> 00:16:38,540
When we met.
As if I'd be

301
00:16:38,540 --> 00:16:41,720
worried about something like that.
I don't care where you're from.

302
00:16:41,820 --> 00:16:45,400
Iran, France, doesn't bother me.
I'm very modern.

303
00:16:45,400 --> 00:16:47,120
I'm not from Iran.

304
00:16:49,120 --> 00:16:51,480
Well, you said something
along those lines.

305
00:16:51,480 --> 00:16:53,800
No, not Iran, a man.

306
00:16:53,800 --> 00:16:57,120
I said I used to be a man!

307
00:16:57,120 --> 00:16:59,680
You used to be a man?

308
00:17:01,280 --> 00:17:04,200
Yes!

309
00:17:04,200 --> 00:17:05,640
Oh, God!

310
00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:44,360
Well, we have a very
interesting talk lined up for today.

311
00:17:44,360 --> 00:17:48,240
Our employee of the month,
and computer expert, Jen Barber,

312
00:17:48,240 --> 00:17:52,880
has kindly agreed to say a few words
about her role in the IT department.

313
00:17:52,880 --> 00:17:57,640
Now, speaking as someone who doesn't
know the difference between a laptop

314
00:17:57,640 --> 00:18:00,320
and, erm, the larger one,

315
00:18:00,320 --> 00:18:03,480
I'm certainly looking forward
to hearing what she has to say.

316
00:18:03,480 --> 00:18:04,440
(STIFLES LAUGHTER)

317
00:18:14,080 --> 00:18:14,800
Good morning.

318
00:18:15,900 --> 00:18:19,120
When I was asked to give a speech

319
00:18:19,120 --> 00:18:24,080
about what it is I do and
everything, I was very excited.

320
00:18:24,080 --> 00:18:26,760
At last, I thought,

321
00:18:26,760 --> 00:18:33,080
a chance to explain the wonders
of technology to ordinary folk.

322
00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:40,680
But then I thought, "Who wants to
listen to a boring old speech?"

323
00:18:42,760 --> 00:18:44,280
Wouldn't it be better

324
00:18:44,280 --> 00:18:48,240
if I could actually bring one of
these wonders in to show you it?

325
00:18:48,240 --> 00:18:52,160
Say, oh, I don't know, the internet!

326
00:18:52,160 --> 00:18:54,600
I think it would - and I have.

327
00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:58,960
Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like
to present to you the internet!

328
00:19:01,280 --> 00:19:03,200
No flash photography,
you'll harm it.

329
00:19:07,560 --> 00:19:09,040
Ladies and gentlemen...

330
00:19:09,040 --> 00:19:10,280
Why's no-one laughing?

331
00:19:10,280 --> 00:19:13,200
If anything
were to happen to this box,

332
00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:17,280
the world as we know it
would fall into chaos.

333
00:19:17,280 --> 00:19:20,240
Planes would drop from the sky,
like tables.

334
00:19:20,240 --> 00:19:25,240
Society would tear itself apart
like an angry child with a napkin.

335
00:19:25,980 --> 00:19:27,540
Man's primeval instinct

336
00:19:27,540 --> 00:19:31,480
to survive at any cost,
would lead to terrible violence,

337
00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:34,640
so, please, no flash photography.

338
00:19:39,200 --> 00:19:42,440
I must say this is all
very impressive, Douglas.

339
00:19:42,440 --> 00:19:44,240
What exactly are you working on?

340
00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:45,480
I dunno.

341
00:19:47,240 --> 00:19:50,160
April, we need to talk.

342
00:19:50,160 --> 00:19:52,160
Darling, couldn't
we do this at home?

343
00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:54,720
I was hoping we'd get
shit-faced and watch telly.

344
00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:58,520
There'll be no more getting
shit-faced and watching telly.

345
00:19:58,520 --> 00:20:01,640
There'll be no more Steven Seagal
marathons,

346
00:20:01,640 --> 00:20:04,320
and there'll
be no more paintballing weekends.

347
00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:08,360
I'm afraid our adventure
has come to an end.

348
00:20:08,360 --> 00:20:10,720
What? But... But why?

349
00:20:10,720 --> 00:20:12,760
It's not you, it's me.

350
00:20:12,760 --> 00:20:14,640
No, actually it's not me, it is you.

351
00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:16,000
I'm sorry.

352
00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:18,120
You don't think of
me as a woman, do you?

353
00:20:18,120 --> 00:20:20,040
What? Of course I do!

354
00:20:20,040 --> 00:20:22,120
It bothers you that
I used to be a man.

355
00:20:22,120 --> 00:20:25,880
No, I love that you used to
be a man. It's your thing.

356
00:20:26,840 --> 00:20:29,040
I love thinking about that
operation that you had.

357
00:20:30,080 --> 00:20:32,360
Oh, please, look at me.

358
00:20:32,360 --> 00:20:36,320
I am a woman.
This is a woman in front of you.

359
00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:37,680
Excuse me.

360
00:20:37,680 --> 00:20:39,800
I am a woman!

361
00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:43,580
You're tearing me apart.

362
00:20:43,980 --> 00:20:47,320
Please, Douglas...

363
00:20:47,320 --> 00:20:49,780
I'm sorry, it's beyond my control.

364
00:20:49,780 --> 00:20:52,640
Please, Douglas, please!

365
00:20:52,640 --> 00:20:54,240
Just go.

366
00:20:54,240 --> 00:20:56,320
You're making this harder for me.

367
00:20:59,160 --> 00:21:03,520
How could you do this?
How could you do this to me?!

368
00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:11,760
You bastard.

369
00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:04,960
And that's what the
flashing light's for.

370
00:22:05,460 --> 00:22:06,560
Any more?

371
00:22:06,560 --> 00:22:07,760
Is it heavy?

372
00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:10,560
Is it heavy?
That's a bit of a silly question.

373
00:22:10,560 --> 00:22:12,520
The internet doesn't weigh anything.

374
00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:17,560
OK, guys, I guess I
should wrap it up.

375
00:22:17,560 --> 00:22:18,440
(THEY GROAN)

376
00:22:18,440 --> 00:22:19,880
No, no.

377
00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:22,320
I really have to finish up.

378
00:22:22,320 --> 00:22:24,260
More! More! More! More!

379
00:22:24,260 --> 00:22:27,840
Guys!
Oh, my God, you really like me.

380
00:22:27,840 --> 00:22:29,520
This really isn't that funny.

381
00:22:29,520 --> 00:22:30,620
I know, it's terrible.

382
00:22:30,620 --> 00:22:32,620
I thought at least we'd
get a good story out it.

383
00:22:32,620 --> 00:22:34,840
you know? Something we'd remember.

384
00:22:40,600 --> 00:22:42,120
It's over, April.

385
00:22:45,320 --> 00:22:47,480
Oh, Jesus.

386
00:22:47,480 --> 00:22:48,560
The internet!

387
00:22:50,920 --> 00:22:51,900
Argh!

388
00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:53,720
We're all gonna die!

389
00:22:53,720 --> 00:22:57,680
SCREAMING AND SHOUTING

390
00:22:59,400 --> 00:23:00,640
Everybody, stay calm!

391
00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:30,600
'He needs to hold his nerve... >

392
00:23:35,520 --> 00:23:36,640
'He's done it!'

393
00:23:38,480 --> 00:23:41,520
But it's not the same.

394
00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:46,800
(SOBS)

395
00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:48,400
Oh, April.

396
00:23:52,800 --> 00:23:55,960
subsBusters



9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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